Wow……what a difference four years makes 😁😁
 
The photo of me on the left was taken in August 2021.
 
I was emotionally battered.
 
I was emotionally bruised.
 
I was extremely traumatised.
 
I was in agony from fibromyalgia….but I didn’t know that then, I didn’t get my fibromyalgia diagnosis till April 2022.
 
I was suicidal from the way I was being treated and the realisation that I had been abused and bullied throughout my ENTIRE lifetime.
In 2021 I was 48 years old.
 

I was diagnosed with C-PTSD from a lifetime of bullying and abuse.

I was at a loss to work out why I wasn’t making certain people in my life happy. I was at a loss to work out what it was about me that made them angry with me all the time. I was at a loss to work out how I could change to make everyone happy. I did EVERYTHING I could think of, I changed myself, I watched what I said and how I said it, I wore what I thought were the “right” clothes, I did all I could to “not let the side down” (whatever that meant).

But no matter what I did, nothing was ever good enough.

 
Two days after the photo on the left of me was taken, I saw my counsellor/therapist Ben Chapman for the first time and I embarked on a journey of realisation, healing and EMDR treatment.
 
My counsellor/therapist Ben saved my life, as did my beloved Poppy, as did so many of you on here, my much loved and valued global support nework. If it wasn’t for Ben, for Poppy and for you all, I would NOT be here typing this now. I’m not being dramatic when I say that, it is a fact.
 
And today?
 
The photo of me on the right was taken a week ago today on 15 August 2025.
 
I’m very happy.
 
I’m very content.
 
I’m more or less pain free from fibromyalgia and I’m taking NO medication for it.
 
My mental health is the best it has ever been.
 
And what did I do to get from where I was in August 2021 to where I am today?
 
It is simple.
 
I set MUCH needed boundaries and used a word I had NEVER used before in my life. That word was NO.
 
People in my life hated it. They were used to the unboundaried, people pleasing version of me who was treated like a doormat and at times like nothing more than a slave who was put on this earth to do their bidding. People who should have loved me unconditionally stopped talking to me. And when this happened, I didn’t fight or try to keep them in my life, no matter who it was.
 
I simply “let them.”
 
One of the hardest realisations I made is that the way I had been treated my entire life was on those who chose to bully and abuse me. It wasn’t on me. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t cause it. So I just “let them.”
 
And it is no coincicence that since I “let them”, my life has got SO much better in SO many ways.
 
I thrived in my work in cyber security and AI. I wrote a book on AI and Cyber Security. I published my first poetry book. I built friendships, relationships and cultivated an amazing support network with people all over the world. Social media has its downsides, but if used in the right way like I did, it can have great benefits too when used for good.
 
I’ve been a finalist for and won awards for my work that I could only dream of. I was awarded an MBE for services to cyber security and diversity, equity, belonging and inclusion by King Charles III in his first birthday honours list in June 2023. I had the honour of meeting King Charles III in December 2023 at Windsor Castle when he presented it to me.
 
I used to fight to keep relationships. I used to fight to keep friendships. I fought for my first marriage when in reality it wasn’t working for either of us. I fought to keep people in my life who didn’t deserve a place at my table. Today, I no longer fight. I just “let them.”
 
Another big difference between now and then is I am happy with my own company and being on my own. As #HubbyRuss and I don’t leave Poppy on her own with one of us always being at home with her, I have NO problem at all travelling and doing things that I want to do on my own. In 2021 the idea of even something like going on my own to Birmingham to do the Black Sabbath trail that I did a couple of weeks or so ago would have fill me with dread and horror, and I would have SO much anxiety about doing things on my own. But not today, and not anymore.
 
I often wonder whether my being neurodivergent caused others to bully, abuse me and treat me the way they did. I wonder whether they could sense that I am “different” somehow. They must have all had very small lives to treat me the way they did, to put me down and to bully and abuse me so much. A positive thing is I can spot a bully and abuser a mile away now, and I have NO hesitation in saying “jog on” to them when I do spot them.
 
So to each and every person who chose to bully and abuse me to make you feel better about yourselves….I have this to say to you.
 
F**k you!
 
F**k each and every one of you who bullied and abused me!
 
F**k each and every one of you who made me feel worthless, less than I was and who destroyed my confidence and self esteem!
 
I have thrived despite you all.
 
I have achieved more than I ever thought possible despite you all.
 
I am very happy despite you all.
 
I am content with my life and with myself despite you all.
 
You tried to strike me down, but I rose even higher and I became more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
 
You have NOT won.
 
I have.